Thinking about saying goodbye is hard. I have 6 weeks left before I fly back to Nashville, TN. That's 6 weeks to work on my extensive to-do list, get in all my last minute hangs, and get as many hugs as I can from the kiddos! Naturally, I've been reflecting A LOT. As I've reflected on my time spent in Honduras, I've thought about how much I've grown and what I find purpose in. Here's the breakdown:
It took me a couple years to really learn this place where I’ve been serving. To learn how many groceries I need to get me through 1-2 weeks, the local bus schedule, the culture, the language, the always changing exchange rate, and all the tips and tricks you learn from just being in a new place. At 3 years, I really hit my stride and felt confident. Confident that I was prepared for any situation that might come my way. As much as I wish I could’ve gotten to this point sooner, I moved at the pace that was right for me.
I was at a large social gathering the other day and someone asked, “who has been here the longest?” Then someone else responded, “Jordan.” There have been times in my service over the past 3 and a half years where I’ve questioned whether I’ve even been that helpful. Did I do enough? I’ve had to break down personal barriers of anxiety, uncertainty, and insecurity. I’ve had to speak truth to myself that God uses the weak for his kingdom work. And tell myself even though there are way more capable people out there, I’m the one who said yes to being here.
I’ve been on a learning curve in every way you can imagine since moving to Honduras. Learning more about trust and faith in God, how to minister to children, how to better love others, how to discern the Holy Spirit, how to deal with conflict, how to grow in my skills, how to cite a research paper in Turabian style, how to make stovetop popcorn (delicious), and the list goes on and on… There is no doubt that growth has happened for me while I’ve been here.
The first time I ever felt a sense of purpose was when I moved to Honduras to be a missionary. And until recently I thought that sense of purpose originated from me filling an important role as a missionary. But no, it’s not being a missionary that gives me purpose. It’s not the many hats I wear throughout the day either.
My purpose is found in my identity in Christ, which looks a lot like walking in the will of God. I might not be a full-time missionary in Honduras for much longer, but I am still a child of God and that’s what gives me purpose. This transition won’t be easy. I’m going to miss Honduras so much. I have no idea what job I’m going to get next or where I’m going to live, but I’ve still got my purpose in God’s will and that’s what keeps me going.